Monday, December 31, 2012

RTFAFN: The Mayans weren't wrong

If you ask me, I'm not 100% sure the Mayans were wrong. I fully believe the world would have ended if it weren't for Jack Bauer. There were others who thought the world would end. Some first century Christians though that Jesus would come back within the first generation to end the world.  He didn't.  The year 1000 came in and went. But maybe they got the math wrong. Jesus was supposedly 33 when He died for our sins.  So... maybe it was the year 1033. No.  That wasn't it. Christopher Columbus claimed that the world was going to end in 1658. Nope. Jehovah's Witnesses thought it was going to be 1975. I think we can all remember Y2K. Then of course we have the Rapture which was going to be May 21st...oh wait... no, October 21st... or something. I'm just going to opt to believe that time traveling Jack Bauer has continued to save us over and over again. He just couldn't stop the end of the Twinkie.

Friday, December 14, 2012

RTFAFN: Connecticut School Shooting

I can remember a time when all we had were drills for natural disasters and we had to learn fire evacuation routes. The only security in the hallways of our school were appointed student hall monitors and the occasional teacher who used to stand at the doorways of their classrooms making sure that students got to the rooms before the bell sounded. Today is completely different. Today is completely disturbing. Hollywood bank robbers, Columbine, freeway shooting, a mall, a movie premiere and now CHILDREN dead in a quiet Connecticut neighborhood school getting shot while attending class. I'm not familiar with any of this and I'm sick.  What has happened to our society? What does this mean for the next 30 years? Is it our gun laws? Is it widespread mental illness, depression and/or quick tempers? I really don't know. My random thought is "our future is grim". My prayers go out to the families in Newtown, CT.

Friday, December 7, 2012

RTFAFN: Homer's Got A Point

I recently heard on the Simpsons Marge say to Homer "Don't put all your eggs in one basket" (which I'm sure we have all heard before) to which he replied "what do you want me to do, carry around one egg in each basket"? I gotta agree -  seems a little silly to carry around all those baskets.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

RTFAFN (Photojournalist Edition) : Ewww.... Um, No Thank You. Nov 30, 2012

I'm not sure which bothers me most: the title of the product, or the fact that 30% of its weight is "added ingredients".

RTFAFN (Thanksgiving Edition) Black Friday is Stupid Nov 23, 2012

I know what I'm thankful for.... Lazy day just sitting around the house, catching up on TV, napping, eating leftovers and watching Black Friday Walmart (Best Buy, Target, K-Mart, etc) Fight videos on YouTube. I'm thankful... that I'm home.

RTFAFN: Goodbye, Yonkers Nathans Nov 16, 2012

There's a saying that "all good things must come to an end". Kinda sucks. Sadly, in my hometown of Yonkers, Nathan's, a landmark restaurant & arcade from my childhood famous for its hot dogs and fries (
and for taking WAY too many of my quarters), will close it's doors after tomorrow - albeit another will replace it. If you are in the area, please stop by and have a hot dog and fries for me. I grew up in this place. I brought my wife and best friend there when I visited a few years ago. I was even interviewed about it a few years back. I'm VERY sad to see it go.

RTFAFN: Cliffhanger Nov 9, 2012

Random Thought For a Friday Night: Dude, I fell off a fiscal cliff a long fucking time ago. I'm the James Franco of fiscal cliffs. ("127 Hours" reference, for those wondering).

RTFAFN (Halloween Edition): Statistics say... Oct 31, 2012

Hollywood on Halloween: 22% more Superheroes. 74% more slutty women. Same icky feeling after 8 PM.

RTFAFN (Sunday Eve Edition): She Likey De Football Mucho Oct 28, 2012

My home office is not far enough away from the loud Guatemalan screaming at the TV. My noise cancelling headphones just said "Nope, I can't help you, brother".

RTFAFN: It's Not the Size That Matters Oct 12, 2012

 My wife just said "My God! That thing is huge! It's spectacular! I'm all choked up!" Stupid Endeavour.

RTFAFN: This Ain't Golf Oct 5, 2012

 I'm in need of a mulligan, a make up, a callback, a rewrite, and a straight up do-over.

RTFAFN: Freeway Closure Sept 28, 2012

Random Thought For A Friday Night: Carmageddon II: Electric Boogaloo. It just sounds funny.

RTFAFN: Whooops... Sept 21, 2012

 Dang! Did I forget to do a Random Thought For a Friday Night last Friday night?

RTFAFN (Saturday Afternoon Edition): Neflix To The Rescue Sept 8, 2012

Just watched pilot episodes of Breaking Bad, Mad Men and Game of Thrones. Netflix account is paying off.

RTFAFN (No-So Random Edition): Happy Bacon Day! Sept 1, 2012

In this rare mention of bacon in my own post, in case ya'll didn't know, today is International Bacon Day. (Yes, there is such a thing). So, what are you getting me?

RTFAFN: Lance Who? Aug 24, 2012

After a long day of being put to the test and chewed up, he always finished strong - looking good in that No. 1 spot, dressed in yellow. He was sharp as a tack and he was strong as lead. But, something happened along the way. He snapped. Had he stayed on the right path all the wrongs in his life could have been erased. But, damn it, some just didn't believe 
in him anymore. It was too late. He totally got shaved. His first place position was usurped... taken away... given to another!! And, truthfully, I'm not even sure why!! But, what's done is done. And now, we must live with the new truth - that the the No. 2 pencil is the Premiere Test-Taking Pencil of All Time.

What? Lance who?

RTFAFN: God's Gantt Chart Aug 10, 2012

God has a Master Plan. That's what I've been told. But, you know, I'm a Producer. I do schedules and budgets and plan and assess risks and assign resources. I've been told I do it well. And, right now, I gotta tell ya', the "Master Plan" may be flawed. (Pardon the Producer speak...) I need to see God's Gantt Chart, because God is fucking with my dependencies and my successors and I'm not happy. Not at all.

RTFAFN: Get His Ass Aug 3, 2012

I giggle a little inside at that moment when I see the Lexus pass me at 100 MPH, and I know he didn't see the motorcycle cop on the other side of me... who just flipped on the reds and blues. OK., it makes me laugh out loud.

TFAFN: Boots Jul 27, 2012

There is a reboot of "In Living Color" coming to TV, and a reboot of the movie "Total Recall", my Droid Incredible reboots itself at 2AM every morning (crappy software update) and there are new boots in my wife's closet. I don't think I like boots.

RTFAFN (2nd Edition): Metric System and This. Jul 22, 2012

When exactly did a bread box become a unit of measurement? I'm still stuck on the metric system, but I got "bigger than a bread box" down pretty quick.

RTFAFN (Saturday AM Edition): Batman Massacre Jul 21, 2012

Look, I think I'm a fairly sane person (fairly) and there have been times when I've wanted to punch a stranger, strangle a co-worker and drop-kick a friend. But, do the lives of SANE people get to a place that is so bad that they REALLY want to murder innocent people in a crowded movie theater (or anywhere)? And, then do it? And... are they really sane at that point?

RTFAFN: Aaron Sorkin for President Jul 13, 2012

It's debatable... it's possible that I've learned more about our political system from watching HBO's "The Newsroom" and "The West Wing" than from CNN. Thank you Aaron Sorkin. Now, if you'd just bring back Sport Night, I'd be covered.

RTFAFN (Sunday AM Edition): Back in the Day Jul 8, 2012

When I was a kid, I remember on Sunday mornings I'd run to the candy store (Tanglewood) and pick up the newspaper for my Dad. I'd come home and read the Sunday comics (aka the "funny papers") and watch Abbott and Costello while a ate a big breakfast that Mom made. I miss the simplicity of that time in my life.

RTFAFN: SchoolFed? Jun 29, 2012

 WTF is this damn SchoolFed Facebook app and why am I a part of it?

RTFAFN: Abraham Lincoln : Vampire Hunter Jun 22, 2012

Abraham Lincoln : Vampire Hunter. "Sure, he freed the slaves. But, cha' know what else he did? Hunted vampires. That's right! Let's tell that story". I'm kinda sad I missed that day in History class. Now, I have to see the movie.

RFTAFN (Father's Day Edition): PRESENTS!! Jun 15, 2012

 When the wife answers "You are!" when asked, "Who's your Daddy?", I think that means I get presents on Sunday.

RTFAFN (Monday AM Edition): Still Haven't Used It Jun 11, 2012

Yep... at 45, and with half my life over (if I'm lucky), I feel confident in calling the race: "Back at Roosevelt HS, I was right, I wasn't going to need algebra or trigonometry in this lifetime". (Results may be +/- 5%. But, I can't do percentages either)

RTFAFN: No Thoughts! Jun 1, 2012

Truthfully, for the last few hours I've been frying and baking bacon - making snacks, drinks and desserts. I really don't have a random thought other than Sunday's Bacon Brunch is going to be awesome.

RTFAFN: Happy 35th Star Wars! May 25, 2012

Star Wars was released 35 years ago today. Congrats, George. You've built quite an EMPIRE (that's a good pun). If the original 1977 version of Star Wars was released today for the first time (with Avengers, Battleship, Men In Black 3 and Spider-man), untouched by new graphics or sound, would the story still hold up and movie do well at the Box Office?

RTFAFN: HAC is WHACK. May 18, 2012

Random Thought For A Friday Night: Early Edition: Under the heading "Good News/Bad News: The House Appropriations Committee reportedly passed a defense bill that blocks the Pentagon from spending marketing dollars on NASCAR, professional fishing and professional wrestling. The amendment would theoretically save $80 million. The National Guard sponsors Dale Earnhardt, while the US Army sponsors Ryan Newman, the Air Force sponsors Aric Almirola. My question, "What are you going to do with the $80M you saved"?

RTFAFN: No Witnesses May 12, 2012

I firmly believe one reason I haven't committed murder is simply because someone else was there. That, and the fact that CSI has taught me a valuable lesson; I'm likely to leave evidence. Evidence = bad. Witnesses = bad. Had I been completely covered in plastic and alone with the person...

RTFAFN: Pluto Is A Fucking Planet May 5, 2012

 I get it... change is inevitable. It's the course of life. Hey, I got a PC, jumped on MySpace, moved to Facebook, checked out Google+, I've got Instagram... look at me!! But, not all change is good. Me? I'm a purist. Uncomplicated. Original Oreos, not that orange creme centered crap at Halloween. (I've come to grips with Double Stuff). 100-calorie packs of, we
ll... anything is stupid. I like my burger grilled with nothing but salt and pepper in the mix. Charlie Sheen, not Ashton. When Johnny Carson left The Tonight Show, so did I. And GOD FORBID, after 35+ years, if they rename it "Ryan Seacrest's New Years Rockin' Eve", I'll kill myself. Oh, NINE. Yes, 9... Pluto is a fucking planet. Mrs. Walsh told me this in 3rd grade and that's the way it's staying.

RTFAFN: Happy 25th Fox Apr 27, 2012

 Fox just celebrated 25 years. Some of my favorite shows were Married With Children, X-Files and In Living Color (Trish has no idea what that is). Couldn't miss an episode. Now, most shows I could take or leave.

RTFAFN: Say It Ain't So. Apr 20, 2012

Random Thought For A Friday Night : Jamiroquai isn't at Coachella? That can't be! Virtual Insanity was my jam!

RTFAFN: Did You Ever Notice...? Apr 13, 2012

It has recently come to my attention that TV characters almost never say goodbye when hanging up the phone. It's true. I checked. What I also noticed is that, unless it is integral to the plot, they don't go to the bathroom either. Jack Bauer kicked ass for nearly 8 days (seasons) and never once said "Chloe, just do what I ask! Task those satellites over the building and send the images to my PDA. I NEED access to that bathroom NOW!" I'm just saying... how cool would it be if, in the middle of a Very Special Blossom (the one when Six is dating a married man), Joey said. "Yo, Blossom! Be right back. I gotta take a dump. Whoa."

RTFAFN: It's Not A Bird Or A Plane. Apr 7, 2012

The oddest thing I've seen in a while is the male and female 20- somethings coming out of a Numero Uno Pizzeria, each wearing capes like Batman and Superman, and both carrying vibrators. In Sherman Oaks. I just wanted to ask them "so, did you like the pizza?"

RTFAFN (Saturday AM Edition): CaLo No Go Mar 31, 2012

 The California Lottery was designed to supplement funding for the public school system. I'm not clear how much of this latest lottery went to education, but some quick reading says schools would receive somewhere upwards of $780 million for fiscal 2012/13. I'm thinking it's enough to support the salaries of a few art and music classes/teachers. Maybe some healthy food options? Increases for the on-staff teachers? Just a random thought...

RTFAFN: I'm so glad we had this time to rock a rhyme. Mar 23, 2012

 I long for the days when I had to gather quarters and go to the arcade to play a game. It was a hassle, but it was an experience - not like what they have now. And, when I understood rap lyrics and TV had shows that were funny because the writing was funny. Not because it was overt, sexual or shocking (which I do also find funny). I mean, if Carol Burnett had Run DMC as musical guests, I'd be glued to my TV.

RTFAFN: (Sunday AM Edition): Cheez Wizard Mar 18, 2012

Random Thought For a Friday Night (Sunday morning edition): At some point, some place in the world, some time ago... some dude came up with the idea for Cheez Whiz. I'm not sure what he was thinking, but I wouldn't be surprised if he invented inflatable dartboards and screen doors for submarines.

RTFAFN: TSA WTF? Mar 12, 2012

(I was traveling and missed doing it last week): I'm confused... TSA, with all its wands, pat-downs, gadgets, x-rays and body scanners can determine that my 3 oz cologne bottle doesn't actually contain gasoline, or my tube of toothpaste isn't actually a plastic explosive, but none of these will determine that my $2 bottle of water (that I just bought) is actually a bottle of water?

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

RTFAFN: It was 1971... Mar 2, 2012

Back when I was 7 or 8 I had one of those Invisible Ink Pens. It was the coolest! I just found it yesterday and it works PERFECTLY... I think. I also had a mood ring. I wore it for years and it was always just one color, but I never had the color chart. So, I never knew how I was feeling. And, in 1971 I had a pet rock. It died. Apparently, my mood was "stupid".

RTFAFN: Dental Knowledge Feb 25, 2012

4 out of 5 doctors recommended sugarless gum for their patients who chew gum. How extensive was this survey? Why did one doctor disagree? What did that guy know that no one else did? And, what if he was right?!

RTFAFN: Belated: Where's Bugs? Feb 18, 2012

When exactly did Saturday morning cartoons become so unfunny? It can't be that I simply got older. Sure, my tastes have changed. I still think Bugs, Elmer, Daffy and Road Runner are entertaining. But, this other stuff is... Stupid.

RTFAFN: (Video Edition) You're So Vain Feb 10, 2012

 In 1972 Carly Simon sang, "You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you". My thought: The whole damn song was about him... wasn't it? WASN'T IT? Just saying, he was right.

RTFAFN: "MySpace?" Feb 4, 2012

Good Lord! Do I still have a MySpace account?? #So4yearsago

RTFAFN: Jan 27, 2012

What ever happened to Kajagoogoo and Spandau Ballet?